In Memory of …

While starting the blog I didn’t think of using it for any such heart trembling posts but sometimes one has to.

in-memory

On Tuesday night I went to see her in holy family hospital Rawalpindi. While locating the ICU, I was just thinking about her and cursing me why couldn’t I be able to meet her in last 2 months, but keep on asking myself as well, did I really want to meet her? No, deep down I was very frightened of meeting her again. On Wednesday at 4:16 PM I got the news she died, just in the age of 30.

On 7th or 8th march I was in Gujranwala in purpose of attending wedding ceremony of my best friend. On our way back she travelled with us, this was my first meeting with saadia. When she joined us in journey I knew she is a cancer patient. She is the khala (aunty) of my younger brother’s best friend, we have family terms with them, but this was my first meeting with her. By nature am quite a talkative, fun loving person. In start we talked about a hell, right from the Gujranwala as a city to the food and rest of things, I was just escaping the topic of her disease. But eventually she started discussing it herself, she told every detail of her disease right from the start. During this she even didn’t fall a little low even for a single time, didn’t sound depress. I found her really really brave not a single incident brought tears in her eyes. She told me how she went alone for the first test? How she got confirmed with breast cancer? How doctors from Shaukat khanam told her sorry? She told me the most paining thing for her is when her family members weep for her. She said she thinks, she is the reason to make them sad, she used to tell them at least do her a favor of not weeping.  She told me these days’ vibes she is getting internally are not positive; from here onwards I felt everything dark.

While sitting beside her in ICU I was recalling all the moments when I felt that my life is just all a vain and I wish I have never been born. I was recalling how I felt myself a failure four years back when I was starting my career. How I was weeping in front of my father that having a professional degree in hand am not getting a worthy job being unexperienced. I was recalling all the rejections and hardships which I always portray massively thinking myself the most un-fortunate person on the earth. I was recalling and realizing, the most important thing in life is life itself, everything we struggle for and we struggle hard for is part of life. We need very basic and few things to live a happy life but due to society and competition just made us the part of rat race nothing else. Our minds are hijacked; the whole marketing thing just made us the victim of lusting after the things. Saadia died, nothing stopped and nothing will stop, but our hearts start dying when we stop learning from the deaths we came cross. I learnt a lot from her, joy of life is hidden in the small things. She lived like a tigress and died like a dignity.

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